TOP REASON YOU SHOULD CELEBRATE YOUR MISTAKES

When you make a mistake, big or small, cherish it like it’s the most precious thing in the world. Because in some ways, it is.

Most of us feel bad when we make mistakes, beat ourselves up about it, feel like failures, get mad at ourselves.

And that’s only natural: most of us have been taught from a young age that mistakes are bad, that we should try to avoid mistakes. We’ve been scolded when we make mistakes — at home, school and work. Maybe not always, but probably enough times to make feeling bad about mistakes an unconscious reaction.

Yet without mistakes, we could not learn or grow.

If you think about it that way, mistakes should be cherished and celebrated for being one of the most amazing things in the world: they make learning possible, they make growth and improvement possible.

By trial and error — trying things, making mistakes, and learning from those mistakes — we have figured out how to make electric light, to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, to fly.

Mistakes make walking possible for the smallest toddler, make speech possible, make works of genius possible.

Think about how we learn: we don’t just consume information about something and instantly know it or know how to do it. You don’t just read about painting, or writing, or computer programming, or baking, or playing the piano, and know how to do them right away.

Instead, you get information about something, from reading or from another person or from observing usually … then you construct a model in your mind … then you test it out by trying it in the real world … then you make mistakes … then you revise the model based on the results of your real-world experimentation … and repeat, making mistakes, learning from those mistakes, until you’ve pretty much learned how to do something.

That’s how we learn as babies and toddlers, and how we learn as adults. Trial and error, learning something new from each error.

Mistakes are how we learn to do something new — because if you succeed at something, it’s probably something you already knew how to do. You haven’t really grown much from that success — at most it’s the last step on your journey, not the whole journey. Most of the journey was made up of mistakes, if it’s a good journey.

So if you value learning, if you value growing and improving, then you should value mistakes. They are amazing things that make a world of brilliance possible.

Celebrate your mistakes. Cherish them. Smile.

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HOW TO CREATE ABOUNDANCE/SUFFICIENT MINDSET

Give away what you got.

It’s not that complicated, really.

But let’s think for a minute; what do a great number of people do instead?

When someone has a great idea, they hoard that idea. They don’t give it away. They shelter and protect it. They keep it to themselves in fear that someone else might take it. They think, “I better save that idea for later.” They don’t share their ideas or give them away – they keep them.

Well, let’s think – why would you do that?

The problem isn’t that your ideas aren’t any good. It’s not even because your ideas aren’t worthy or that you aren’t worthy – because you are. The problem is your thinking. You think that if you give one idea away that you won’t come up with more great ideas. And that fear has got you living in the lake of lack.

Instead, you could start by giving what you got.

Are you short on time?

Some people are always running out of time – like it was cash or some commodity. They’re always in a panic to get stuff done. They’re time vampires. They literally devour their time and suck the life out of themselves – until there is no time left.

These time vampires live in the lake of lack. The don’t give away their time because they don’t think there is “enough time” to give. And when you don’t think there is enough, you’re coming from scarcity or lack.

The way you do anything is the way you do everything. If there is lack in one area, then there is lack in all areas of your life. It really comes down to your mindset.

So, how do you break the pattern?

You’ve got to be willing to give from where you are.

Give what you got because giving signals “more-than-enoughness.” It signals abundance. When you’re in a state of giving, and giving willingly you’re telling others (and yourself) that there is plenty. That there is more than enough for everyone.
With that being said, Here are 6 ways to give and create the abundance mindset:


Are you short on time? If that’s the case, give away some of your time. Take time to give to others. You don’t have to dedicate 90% of your day to serving others – that’s not what I’m saying. Just find that balance between giving and receiving. Find an organization or a person that you really love and volunteer some of your time. Give your time away.
Don’t feel loved? You’ve got to give some before you get some. Give away some hugs. Go out right now and give 5 people you know a big hug. I guarantee right after you do this, you’ll feel great. You’ll feel like a million bucks! Why? Because you feel loved. And you can only feel loved when you give that love to others. Go out right now and hug 5 people!
Short on Cash? Give some away. Yes, you heard me right. I’m not saying you should sell all you got, far from it. But you may consider giving money to a charity, giving money to a friend who needs it, or even giving money to a panhandler in the street. Givers gain.
Are you stuck? Do you want to get unstuck? Help others first. Think of someone you know that is having a similar problem. And think of a way that you could help them based on what you know. Write down what you plan to do to help this person and then go out and do it. I’m telling you this works! When you help others wholeheartedly, help will always come back to you.
Lacking self-belief? Yup, you know it. You’ve got to give it away! If you lack self-belief, then give away that belief to others. What do I mean? Find someone you know who is lacking in self-confidence or in self-belief and give them a boost. Spend some time with this person and feed their mind. Tell them how much you believe in them. Tell them how successful you see them becoming; how you always knew they could make it. Tell them how proud you are of them. Fill their mind with positive ideas. Instill belief in others and belief will come flowing abundantly to you.
Short on ideas? This is my favorite. If you’re short on creative ideas, give them away! Give others creative ways to increase business, find a new stimulating career or improve their health. Give ideas away and ideas will flood right back to you.

With all of these tips, you have to start with where you are. You can’t give what you don’t have. Be willing to give what you got from where you are and I promise you – abundance will flow into your life. You will be actively creating the abundance mindset.
TFF

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Move Beyond the Limits Of What'sHolding You Back

We all know that if you’re truly passionate about something, productivity becomes largely irrelevant.

You’re naturally motivated and naturally driven, but that’s not always enough, is it? There’s something else and it’s keeping you from pursuing what you really want. It’s the same thing every time …

And it all comes down to one word: Limits.

What’s really fascinating is how much we avoid doing what we love because of these arbitrary limits.

Sure, we all have nicely organized boxes of preplanned excuses. We convince ourselves that the reasons for not pursuing the things we really want are actually legitimate. Most of the time, they’re not. Most of the time, shrugging something off as “impractical” or “too whimsical” is really just an avoidance of the truth.

What all of these limits really come down to is the difference between surviving and living. Going through the motions instead of moving through life deliberately.

I would rather choose the deliberate path.
This is an exercise I commonly do when I feel like I need to push myself past a plateau:


Step 1: Write down all those really important things you want to do, but have been avoiding. Leave enough space after each goal for the next step.
Step 2: Write down all the reasons/excuses you’re not taking action toward making those desires a reality.


Take a close look at all of your reasons for not taking action. Are they legitimate? Are they real obstacles, or are they imaginary? Be honest with yourself about what you want. It doesn’t matter if other people don’t think it’s practical; what matters is that you want it.

Now give yourself permission to completely abolish these imaginary ceilings.
There are no ceilings; the limits of your imagination are the only boundaries.

So that’s the first part. The second part is moving beyond patterns. All limitations are based on patterns. For example, when writing, I have a pattern of thinking that an article should be written a certain way. I know that what I’ve written has been popular in the past, so I become conditioned to write that way in the future. I might see something become so popular on a social media site and think that I should try to emulate that format now. I also have a pattern of thinking that in order for an article to be worth reading, it needs to be a certain length. That if an article is beyond that certain length, people won’t read it, because it’s too long or too time consuming.

What all of these patterns come down to are limits. Patterns may be necessary for noticing trends and seeing what’s desirable and undesirable. Recognizing patterns in popular pieces of writing, while studying other successful writers, may help you become a better writer. By seeing the patterns of greatness we can emulate and better our own selves. Copying patterns is one of the greatest reasons we’ve succeeded as a species.

But like most great things, patterns have their limitations. If you become too conditioned, you become fixed and immovable. You become conditioned to having a certain reaction to a certain stimulus. You see that you failed in the past, so you fear failure in the future. You notice that that failure happened while trying to pursue something impractical. Now you’ve developed a pattern of seeing “impractical” endeavors as doomed for failure.

See where all this is headed?

It’s easy to get yourself stuck in following patterns because you’re afraid of unknown responses. You’ve seen things go wrong before (or you just have some social conditioning that it’s not a good idea), so you hold yourself back from doing what you really want to do. You sell yourself out because you’re stuck thinking the loop is an accurate representation of reality.

Well, guess what? That loop is just a tiny figment of your imagination. A minute fragment of an event stuck on repeat that has long been extinct (hello, it happened in the past). Life, on the other hand, is more than just a pattern. It’s dynamic. It’s alive. It changing and it’s in flux.

If there is any enemy, it is the groundless divisions of the possible and probable. If there is anything we should limit, it is how many limits we let seep into our lives.

It’s sad thinking that some people keep doing what they’ve been doing, never really living, because they’re afraid that they might be wrong. They’re afraid that their pattern, their idea of what’s real, might actually be broken. Their limits might be mentally conjured specters. And the lives they lived might have been a lie.

So the question is … What patterns are you unconsciously repeating that are holding you back? Are they keeping you from living your dreams?
TFF

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HOW TO MAKE AN IMPACT

The Force to change things at a microscopic level

There are a lot of us who would like to make an impact on the world, in some way or another. We’d like to make a contribution, change things for the better, improve lives, leave behind something positive.

And yet, with the vastness of this world, with the number of people out there who will resist change … it seems impossible at times. How can one person make an impact on the world? Normal people — those of us who aren’t in the circle of influencers such as elected officials or influential media types —
just don’t have that kind of power, right?



When we think of the world as such a vast place, it’s overwhelming. It’s like sprinkling drops of our efforts into the ocean — the overall effect is so little as to be unnoticeable.

But think of those same drops of effort dripping onto one tiny spot, perhaps not in the ocean but on a rock. The drops of water, concentrated on one spot, can eventually break through that rock. And if that rock is supporting a lot of other rocks, those drops of water can cause an avalanche.

The same effort, concentrated in the right place, can make an impact. Diffused over a wide area — not so much

Four Lessons in The Art of MAKING AN IMPACT

So our little metaphor — of drops of water falling on an ocean, or on a rock — contains in it four lessons that we’ll call The Art of the Small (only slightly related to the Jedi Force technique):


1. One person can make an impact. Don’t feel that it’s hopeless. You don’t need to be someone famous or powerful to have an impact. You can make a difference, you can change things — if you focus on The Art of the Small.

2. Concentrate your efforts on smaller and smaller areas. When your efforts are diffused over a wide area, they won’t have much of an impact. So focus on smaller areas, and your efforts will be felt more fully. It could take time for change to happen, but keep that focus narrow.

3. Try to find an area that will cause a tipping point. You’ll have the biggest impact if you can change something that will in itself cause further changes — the rock that causes the avalanche. This isn’t an easy thing, to find that pressure point, that spot that will cause everything else to change. It takes practice and experience and luck and persistence, but it can be found.

4. Don’t try to beat an ocean. You’ll lose. Instead, focus on small changes that will spread.

Learning the Art of MAKING AN IMPACT
This isn’t something you’ll always grasp instinctively, but you’ll learn its effectiveness when you put it into practice. Want to beat climate change? It’s too huge for one person to change — so focus on something smaller instead. Change your behaviors in small ways, help your children change, help other family and friends change. And teach them to help others change.

Start in small ways — help others, do little good things, and see what the impact of those things are. Never underestimate the power of putting a smile on someone’s face. That smile could change the person’s entire day, and they could go on to do something brilliant that in turn helps thousands of people. All because you did something small that put a smile on their face.

Sounds corny, but it works. Small things can have huge effects. Over time, you’ll learn to focus your efforts more effectively, but in the beginning, it doesn’t matter. What matters is you learn to focus on smaller and smaller things, and learn to be persistent.

Small things can change the world.

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CREATIVITY IS WITHIN US ALL"FIND IT AND USE IT"

It doesn’t matter whether you are an architect, gardener, or bus driver, everyone has the ability to find the distinct beauty embedded deep inside their daily grind. The problem isn’t capturing our creativity, as individual inspiration is a steady pulse that beats within us all. The problem is keeping those embers hot once we have them in our grasp.

Keeping the flames of our creativity close to an inferno takes decisive commitment. Fire dies without tinder, so will creativity collapse to ash without the needed fuel. Coaxing our creative core requires listening to the quiet whisper of instinct, trusting the honor of its voice, and then doing everything you can to bargain, cajole, or trick yourself into following its advice to the letter.

The start of any project is often the most difficult as the rewards are slow to arrive. Yet taming the creative beast is well worth the best of your patience. You will eventually reach the tipping point where your brain can function with automaticity and your every action is but an extension of breath.
No one builds a cabinet by bare hands alone. To craft the most from your creativity, you must have your best toolbox always on hand. Individual methods are as different as the people wielding them. I could never hope to speak for everyone, but here are a few of the things that always work for me.

Find your rhythm

Your body knows when it’s time to eat, sleep, and regulate. Your mind knows when it is most creative. If you have the flexibility in your day to maintain a schedule, then finding an internal beat and sticking to it might offer your creativity the most motion. Me, I prefer late morning through early afternoon. When the sun is sitting high in the center of the sky, my mind is then mostly prize and very little cracker jack. When I have to work late in the evening, I am resentful. My mind is slower and my effort belabored. This internal reaction is as steady as the sunrise and I do everything I can to adjust my workload accordingly.

Use a quality toolbox

Your tools don’t have to be top of the line, but they do have to work for you. From the computer on your desk to the ink in your pen, using materials that do not infuse efficiency into your day will only slow you down. Set aside time, again on a consistent basis, to experiment with the various tools that will help you build the box that’s best for you.

Picture the milestones leading to the finish line

It isn’t enough to imagine how nice it will be when your project is complete. You must articulate the steps you need to move from A to B. Not only is this necessary to arriving at the finish line, it’s fundamental to the motivation needed to endure a daunting task. By building reward for yourself, you are fueling the engine that gets things done. As you pass those benchmarks along the way, you will have all the motivation you need to keep going. It is easy to keep rambling down the road when you’re driving toward sunset and leaving the big empty behind, but it’s important to evaluate your environment along the way. Maybe you didn’t get what you had hoped to get done. Sharpen your focus and go at it again. If you are happy with how much you’ve grown, congratulations, keep on doing what you’re doing. Either way, you’ve covered distance and now know the road a little better.

TFF

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WHAT YOU NEED TO LEAD A BALANCED LIFE

Leading a balanced life is commonly seen as the light at the end of the tunnel. We convince ourselves that once we have our work under control, we can then make time for family, health and hobbies.

But let’s take a look at an approach to life and personal growth that will allow you to start leading a balanced life today.

Why You Need Balance Today

Before we look at how you can achieve balance, it’s important to know why you need to have balance in your life in the first place.

1- Every Life Area is Important: Imagine neglecting your health for one year while you focus on your work. You will suffer the consequences of that decision during that year and the years ahead. In fact, that decision alone can limit the number of years you are likely to live after that. That might be a harsh way of putting it, but you know it to be true.

2- Life Areas Reinforce Each Other: The idea that each life area is compartmentalized, and has no influence on other life areas is untrue and extremely damaging to your life success. You can advance your career by having good social connections and you can enhance your family life by having good health and vitality. All life areas are connected, and if you neglect some life areas, you could be sabotaging the success you wish to achieve in the area you are focusing on.

3- Problems In One Area Can Be Caused By Other Areas: If you’ve ever attempted to become more productive by trying to motivate yourself, only to fail miserably, then you will appreciate this point. The fact is, being productive at work might not have anything to do with your work. It could very well stem from a health issue (i.e. what you eat, how active you are and a possible illness). You can try every productivity tip and trick in every book, but if you neglect your health, you won’t be able to overcome the limitations you are experiencing.

4- If We’re Not Managing All Life Areas, We’re Not In Control: One of the main reasons why we experience stress in life is because we feel we don’t have control over our lives. And by neglecting any life area, we give up that control. We feel that there is something in our lives that we’re not giving attention to and not managing properly. This stress can bring a sour taste to our entire lives.

5- No Need to Put Your Happiness On Hold: We have a very simple choice in life. We can either experience happiness today, or postpone our happiness for some time in the indefinite future. By avoiding balance today, we delay our own happiness. This doesn’t have to be the case. We can begin enjoying our lives today without further delay!

Use a Personal Growth Map

Now that you know you’re in desperate need for balance in your life today, let’s how a Personal Growth Map can help.

The idea behind the Personal Growth Map is very simple: You need to be aware of all life areas, and advance in each one of them every day and on a regular basis (weekly, monthly, etc).

Although we may have been struggling to achieve life balance all these years, but the strange thing is, we don’t know what we’ve been trying to balance. Is it work and family time? But what about our health? And how about our hobbies? And where does world peace fit into all of this?

The Personal Growth Map recognizes seven life areas that make up our lives. You can see these life areas as categories where we can put our activities and goals in. The life areas (categories) are:


(1) Spiritual
(2) Intellectual
(3) Psychological
(4) Social
(5) Professional
(6) Recreational
(7) Physical

If you’ve been struggling to balance only two life areas, you might be surprised to know that juggling seven life areas is actually easier.

Why? Because these life areas are more accurate in defining your actual needs in life, without ignoring the important details. If you thought that balance is only about work and family time, then you were ignoring your spiritual, intellectual, psychological, recreational and physical needs. That’s not real balance, is it?

Having a more accurate understanding of your needs as a human being will enable you to satisfy those needs without neglecting anything that’s important to you.

Using the Personal Growth Map

There’s a lot to mention about how the Personal Growth Map should be used for maximum effect. For now, use these 3 simple steps so you can achieve results immediatelyh:

1- List all the activities you can do to advance each life area: That is, start with Spiritual. What can you do to advance your life in the area of spirituality? Read a specific book about spirituality? Meditate? Pray? Speak to a spiritual teacher you know? Join a campaign to promote world peace? List all the options open to you in that area. Be as specific as possible, then move on to every other area to write down a similar list.

2- Consider activities that stretch across several life areas: This is where the power of the Personal Growth Map is really felt. You can satisfy several needs through a single activity. For example, rather than exercise in the gym, play football with your friends. This will advance your Social, Recreational and Physical life areas all at once! Be creative in coming up with ways you can advance several life areas at the same time.

3- Select the activities you want to carry out for each life area: Choose the options which you can apply today (or during the next week or month) from the above lists. Make sure that you cover all life areas!

No matter how minor the activity is, as long as you are advancing each life area, you are making progress and experiencing a degree of balance in your life. You are gaining control of your life and satisfying all your needs.

With the Personal Growth Map, you will realize that the tunnel you’ve been living in is of your own making, and you can start living in the light and leading a balanced life today.

TFF

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THING WE THINK ABOUT BUT HARD TO SAY

What would happen if we started being honest with ourselves about what we really want?

What if we started being ruthlessly real?

What if we actually said the things that we think about, but are afraid to say?

Our egos may shrink and squirm, afraid to face reality as it is; afraid to bypass all the pretense; afraid to confront the shear nakedness of authenticity.

But maybe if we could evade the grip of our ego-based fears, we could embrace unfiltered, unmediated reality.

Maybe, just then, we’d start to come alive.

When I speak of open, authentic honesty, I mean being truly connected to your higher self. Not the ego-dominated self, but your spirit, (or whatever word you’d like to use, the word is not important). When you’re tuned into this source that is bigger than your puny ego, your living from a state of unadulterated awareness.

When you’re acting from this state, you’re not thinking about whether what you’re doing is right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate. You act completely naturally, unafraid to express yourself authentically and freely. You’re not afraid to tell someone how you really feel or ask for something you need. It’s from this place that you experience bliss, because there is no ego holding you back from it. There is no hesitation when the ego is not present.

So how do you get into this state of flow and uninhibited movement?

Here are the three simplest and most effective things you can to become more conscious, and in turn, more authentic.




Practice mindfulness. This is the most important aspect of acting authentically. If you’re not being mindful, you lose awareness of your ability to determine whether you are acting reactively or if you are acting from your authentic Self. I have to admit, remaining in a position of persistent mindfulness is not an easy task. This is not something you will master in a day, a month or even a year. But you can practice, and the more you practice the more it will be easy to remain mindful. The way to practice mindfulness is to simply center your focus and attention on whatever you are presently doing or experiencing. Easy to describe, difficult to practice.

Use reminders to help you stay mindful. There are a lot of mental triggers (or anchors, in NLP terms) you can create to prompt you to return to mindfulness. One great trigger is remembering to be mindful every time you see a red light at a stop light; or just every time you come to a stoplight, green, yellow or red. I have a bell on my bike that I ring when I’m riding to help remind me to be mindful. Another good and more permanent reminder is getting a tattoo somewhere you can easily see to make you mindful. If that’s not your thing, you could have a bracelet or ring that you’ve chosen as a sacred symbol to help remind you to be mindful.

Practice daily meditation. There is no substitute for consistent, daily meditation in aiding your facility to remain present. The best thing about meditation is it also allows you time to actually listen to yourself. Most of the time, we’re constantly talking to ourselves and we never take the time to listen. During the practice of silent awareness, we have the opportunity to listen to our thoughts and feelings, and in doing so, we’ll be better equipped to remain mindful when we feel pulled into unconscious patterns. The most important thing to do is start small. Practice meditating for 5 or 10 minutes each day before you go to sleep or after you wake up. Don’t be hard on yourself if you feel your mind isn’t quieting fast enough, or if you think you’re not good at meditating. If you remain diligent, your mind will eventually get tired of listening to itself babble incessantly.

The more mindful we become, the more we increase our capacity for action that is stripped of pretense and duplicity.

When we’re completely authentic, we’re no longer afraid to speak and act in meaningful ways. We’re not afraid to tell someone how we truly feel. We don’t shirk when faced with the choice of either acting from integrity or slipping into cowardly ego-based decisions.

Maybe if we started saying the things we think but do not say, our lives would have more meaning.

I think then we could grasp what it means to really be free.

Maybe then we’d realize the true meaning of liberation.

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Improve Every Moment

I’m a big proponent of slowing down, simplifying, doing less, and being less busy … but what if you can’t?

What if your life can’t be made less busy — are you doomed to a life of anxiety and unhappiness?

No. I’m going to share with you a very simple tool that might just transform your life. It’s something I’ve been trying in the last few months, and I can attest that it works brilliantly.

This one little method will help you to:


Be more present, so life doesn’t rush past you without you noticing.
Enjoy every activity you do more, so life is better all the time.
Feel more relaxed, so every day is as good as a vacation.
Be ready to handle anything that comes your way.
Not bad for a very tiny method, no? Let’s dive in.


Busy vs. relaxed

Normally we have two different modes in life. There’s the busy of our everyday lives, and then there’s the relaxed mode, which happens when we have some unstructured time: vacation, a day at the beach, a spa getaway, some time in the park with the kids.

Relaxed mode is one where we perhaps think less and feel more. We just soak in the sun, the sounds, the sensations. This is a child-like time, because it’s the mode that young children are in the most. We do our best to train kids not to be like this, so they can be good workers when they grow up and serve our corporate masters.

And so we grow up to be in busy mode most of the week, and if we’re lucky we get a day or two, maybe only an hour or two of relaxed mode. When the Internet sucks us in, we have less relaxed mode because the Internet keeps us in our minds, and we forget about the physical world around us.

How can we change this? How can we bring the child-like relaxed, sensory mode back into our everyday lives, not just during breaks and meditation/yoga time and vacations?

It’s not that difficult, if you practice.

When we are in relaxed mode, we notice the sensations of the wind and sun, the sounds of water and laughter, the brilliant colors of nature, the smiles around us, the grass or sand between our toes. We are feeling instead of thinking. The sensations of our bodies flow into our minds, and it makes us relaxed, happy.

We can re-learn this mode of being with practice. Do it now. You’re reading a computer or mobile device screen, so your mind is in the world of the Internet … but your body is in the physical world. If you’re sitting, your butt can feel the chair. Your back might be a bit hunched. Your fingers are on a keyboard or mouse. Is the air around you cold or warm? Are there sounds you can notice? Is your jaw clenched? Notice your breathing.

When you put your focus into physcial sensations, you are entering relaxed mode instead of thinking mode. It’s not that you’re completely relaxed, but you’re in the same state of mind as the times you are relaxed, like yoga or the beach or lazing away a Sunday in bed.

Once you learn to do this, you can do it any time. In fact, all the time.

If you’re taking a shower, feel the water running down you, soak in the temperature and the sound of running water. If you’re eating, taste every little nuance of the food, smell the food, feel the texture in your mouth, feel the movement of your hand going to your mouth.

Do this as you work, as you talk on the phone or respond to emails or walk to a meeting or drive to an appointment, noticing the sensations on your skin, the colors around you, the sounds of humanity, your breath coming in and leaving you. Do this at home, as you do chores or prepare food or clean up or get ready for work. Do this throughout your day, and you will be in a constant state of relaxation and enjoyment.

It will transform everything you do, if you do it. It will turn busy-ness into being present, harriedness into enjoyment.

Life will be lived, instead of ignored.

TFF

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THE TENDER VOICE OF PATIENCE

There are moments when other people just set you off, and you lose your patience.

It is the downfall of many of us — coworkers, children, spouses, other drivers, irritating people on the subway — they can grate, they can anger.

And it can ruin your day. You clench your jaw, you replay imaginary arguments in your head, or worse, you snap. And then you feel like crap.

How can we find the patience?

I will admit that I’m no saint. Just like everyone else, I get annoyed, and I will say things in a less-than-kind tone. I’m learning.

Here’s what helps me:

First, I learn to be aware of the emotions that rush up from nowhere.

I learn to accept those emotions as perfectly fine.

And I watch them, but don’t act.

I will talk to those emotions, like they’re a little child: it’s OK to be mad, but breathe. Talk to the other person, after you’ve calmed down, about the problem.

And then I breathe.

I remind my childlike emotions: other people are different, and that’s good. Celebrate humanity and all its glorious varieties. When people live and work together, there will be friction, and that is a part of the mix of humanity.

I remind: life is too short to waste my days in irritation and anger. Don’t let other people’s problems become my own.

I then give thanks. Gratitude solves all problems. I am grateful for having this friend, or stranger, in my life, and I’m grateful for the chance to even be here, and for the incredible life I have.

I talk to the other person, when I’ve calmed down, with compassion. I respond with love. It often will melt the other person’s jagged edges, and things will go better.

Patience isn’t an easy thing, but the alternative is much worse. Love will triumph if you let it.

TFF

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SECRET RULE OF ALTERING ANYTHING/HABIT FROM TFF

I’ve learned a lot about changing habits over the years, and have WROTE MANY articles with respect to that.

The hardest habits to change, by far, are the ones people can’t seem to control. They want to change, but can’t seem to find the “willpower” (a term I don’t believe in).

For me, some of the things that seemed out of my control: overeating during social occasions, procrastination, anger, patience, negative thoughts.

I learned one little secret that allowed me to change it all

When you are aware, you can change it

OK, don’t roll your eyes and stop reading yet. That secret might seem obvious to some, or too simplistic. So let’s go a bit deeper.

When we have urges to eat something we know is bad for us, we often give in. But is it that simple? The truth is that our mind is actually rationalizing why we should just eat that cake, why it’s too hard to not eat it, why it isn’t that bad to eat it. It asks why we’re putting ourselves through pain, why can’t we let ourselves just live, and don’t we deserve that treat?

All of this happens without our noticing, usually. It’s quiet, in the background of our consciousness, but it’s there. And it’s incredibly powerful. It’s even more powerful when we’re not aware it’s happening.

It beats us all the time — not just with eating, but with anything we try to do and end up quitting, caving in, doing it despite our best efforts.

How can we defeat this powerful force — our own mind?

Awareness is the key. It’s the start.

1. Start by becoming aware. Become an observer. Start listening to your self talk, observe what your mind does. Pay attention. It’s happening all the time. Meditation helps with this. I also learned through running — by not taking along an iPod, I run in silence, and have nothing to do but watch nature and listen to my mind.

2. Don’t act. Your mind will urge you to eat that cake (“Just a bite!”) or smoke that cigarette or stop running or procrastinate. Listen to what your mind is saying, but don’t act on those instructions. Just sit still (mentally) and watch and listen.

3. Let it pass. The urge to smoke, eat, procrastinate, or quit running … it will pass. It’s temporary. Usually it only lasts a minute or two. Breathe, and let it pass.

4. Beat the rationalizations. You can actively argue with your mind. When it says, “One little bite won’t hurt!”, you should point to your gut and say, “Yeah, that’s what you said all those other times, and now I’m fat!” When it says, “Why are you putting yourself through this pain?”, you should say, “It’s painful to be unhealthy, and it’s only painful to avoid the cake if you look at it as a sacrifice — instead, it can be a joy to embrace healthy and delicious foods, and fitness!”

There are lots of times when “willpower” fails us. These are the times we need to become aware of our minds.

When we are aware, we can change it. This is a small secret, but it’s life changing. It changed my life, because I can now change anything. I watch, and I wait, and I beat it. You can too.


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MOVE FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM

Read on for action steps that will propel you forward.

Make the decision to succeed. Once you decide on success you rarely allow doubt to enter your mind. Your persistence, dedication, and resilience are strengthened. You free yourself to do the uncommon and the impossible.

Take risks. Chase your fear. Do what scares you. Make the dreaded phone call. Ask for what you want. When you experience rejection, ask someone else. Be bold and brave. Defy the odds.

Be prepared. Anticipate your own needs. Unemployment is the world’s fastest-rising worry, according to a BBC World Service survey. Don’t live in fear, create solutions in advance. Know how you will get out, over, around, and through what could go wrong.

Let go of urgency and fear. Learn to relax and go with the flow. Our anxiety and stress are caused by living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. Life happens in the present moment.

Focus on the benefits of your success. Become focused on what you will gain. Is your benefit financial freedom, travel, saving the lives of others, or leaving a legacy you can be proud of? When the going gets tough, focus on your “why.”

Calm your body. Find a quiet place and bring your attention inward, notice where your fear resides in your body. Notice if you have a tense forehead, shallow breathing, or aching shoulders. Relax the area of your body that’s being affected. Learn to calm and center yourself.

Create your own fan base. I believe that most people have good hearts. They want to see you succeed. Believe people are cheering for you. When you are scared out of your mind, imagine everyone you know in one place rooting wildly for you.

Participate in life. Turn off your television, electronics, and the negative media. Take a guitar lesson, a skydiving lesson or yoga lesson. Swim in the ocean, hike in the mountains, or go for a morning walk or run.

You are enough. Accept who you are and where you are today. When you compare yourself to others you create your own suffering. My friends were in college when I was changing diapers. I was too busy to care. What others think of you is none of your business.


TFF

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THERE IS ALWAYS AN ALTERNATIVE

Killing time isn’t a sin — it’s a misnomer. We’ve framed the question entirely wrong. It’s not a matter of “killing” time, but of enjoying it.

If we ask ourselves instead, “How can I best enjoy this moment?”, then the entire proposition is reframed.

Now we might spend this moment working if that work brings us joy. But we might also spend it relaxing, doing nothing, feeling the breeze on the nape of our neck, losing ourselves in conversation with a cherished friend, snuggling under the covers with a lover.

This is life. A life of joy, of wonderfulness.

TFF

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IS THIS WHAT LIFE IS MEANT TO BE?

It might seem smart and productive to not let a single minute go to waste (they’re precious, after all), but let’s take a step back to look at the big picture.

Is this what our lives are to be? A non-stop stream of productive tasks? A life-long work day? A computer program optimized for productivity and efficiency? A cog in a machine?

What about joy? What about the sensory pleasure of lying in the grass with the sun shining on our closed eyes? What about the beauty of a nap while on the train? How about reading a novel for the sheer exhilaration of it, not to better yourself? What about spending time with someone for the love of being with someone, of making a genuine human connection that is unencumbered by productive purpose, unburdened by goals.

What about freedom? Freedom from being tied to a job, from having to improve yourself every single minute, from the dreariness of neverending work?

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YOUR THOUGHT IS POWER, USE IT WISELY

Thought is the "Power"... Use it wisely... Your destiny is the result of the way you THINK. If you favor negative thoughts, you are never going to succeed because such people keep on crying about their fate. Instead, if you THINK of your strengths, be rest assured you can at least find ONE that can prove a savior for You!"


Just think about people who are labeled handicapped in any sense (physically/mentally/education-wise). Few keep crying and you see them begging by marketing their weaknesses. But there are a few people who DENY being handicapped (though they are!) They focus on their strengths and prove themselves better than a normal and physically fit individual! - Don't you agree? This is only possible because of the way they "THINK".... so... THOUGHT IS THE POWER, USE IT "WISELY

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THE GREAT CALLING

The actual purpose for our existence is to live life, love life and each other at the same time share with one another,
These have been thrown away! Nations against nations, so much crises and chaos
The question
"Where are we going maybcreep in to your mind?"

We need to find ourselves, pick us up and match forward!
The rate and growth of morsl decadence is alarming!
We can take yo where it used to be just you and i
Let make the world a better place for us now
and our childrens children


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FIVE WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

All wise people know that it takes sometime before a person can reach their goals and improve their life. And while this is a an unquestionable fact still this doesn’t mean that you can’t make small changes to your life to make it better in few weeks if not in few days!

While you can’t reach your life goals overnight you still can take small actions that can help you live a better life almost instantly.

Here is what you can do:

1) Start waking up earlier : one of the main causes of stress is finding yourself out of time while being loaded with lots of tasks. When you wake up earlier you won’t only become more productive but you will also reduce the amount of stress in your life to a great extent.

2) Get organized and write a plan: the main reasons we worry and become anxious is that we don’t trust our actions or current plans. When you write down a plan your subconscious mind starts feeling more comfortable about your future and as a result you will reduce the amount of worrying in your life. Writing down a plan using a pen and a paper will make the plan settle in your subconscious mind and as a result you will feel much safer than if you didn’t have a plan.

3) Break a simple bad habit: I know that some habits take a lot of time to break but what about simple habits that can be broken immediately? When you break a habit that you have been doing for a long time your mood will improve and your life will become better almost instantly.

4) Adjust your eating habits: do you drink enough water? Do you know that you might be feeling tired because your body needs more water? Do you know that unhealthy food can make you feel unhappy? Do you know that your mood is in many cases a reflection of your overall health? Once you start eating healthy foods and a balanced diet your health will become way better and so will your life

5) Apologize to someone: did you fight with someone lately? Is there someone out there who is sad right now because of what you did to him? call that person and say sorry, not only you will make another person happy but you will also feel better as a result of the disappearance of guilt from the back of your mind.

Improving your life

Just as you saw simple actions such as the ones mentioned can help you live a better life. Use these simple actions to improve your mood and to give yourself a mood boost so that you can pursue your bigger goals.

Do this and you will live a happier life

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MINDSET

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DREAM BIG!!!

It has been proven that we gravitate towards the targets that we set ourselves- studies have shown that if they are set a target they usually get there or close to it - but very rarely exceed it. If you set your financial targets 100% higher than you think you really need - then you will have a better target for your subconscious to aim for.

Action Point: What is limiting your belief that you cannot earn as much money as you want? Set yourself a target of a pay-raise that is double what you would normally aim for. Look at people who are earning as much as you want and look at what they do (and how they act) differently from you. Spend just 5 minutes every day applying this knowledge…and you will be amazed at how this, in conjunction with your higher target, will move you forward.


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MAKING A DIFFERENCE

Have I made a difference
For you today?
Can you now read
What the printed words say?

Have I made a diffference
In teaching the song?
The life long song
Of right versus wrong?

Have I made a difference
When I walk each day
Into a room
Where sometimes I pray?

That your hopes and dreams
Will now depend on
What you've learned when
The day is gone.

Have I made a difference
I ask and pray.
As I turn out the light
To end each day?

Have I made a difference
Is it worthwhile?
To see the excitement
And the smile of a child?

This question is answered
As I open the door
And turn on the light
To teach once more.

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LET IT FLOW "HAPPINESS"

Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. Say goodbye gently, but say goodbye.

Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, work puzzles... whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."

Enjoy the simple things. When the children are young, that is all that you can afford. When they are in college, that is all that you can afford. When you are on retirement, that is all that you can afford!

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive laughter.

Tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be alive while you are alive, don't put out a mailbox on the highway of death and just wait in residence for your mail.

Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

Cherish your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. If your health is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country, but not to "guilt land".

Tell the people you love, that you love them, at every opportunity.

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GIVING UP TOO SOON

A man meets a guru in the road. The man asks the guru, "Which way is success?"

The berobed, bearded sage speaks not, but points to a place off in the distance.

The man, thrilled by the prospect of quick and easy success, rushes off in the appropriate direction. Suddenly, there comes a loud "SPLAT." Eventually, the man limps back, tattered and stunned, assuming he must have misinterpreted the message. He repeats his question to the guru, who again points silently in the same direction.

The man obediently walks off once more. This time the splat is deafening, and when the man crawls back, he is bloody, broken, tattered, and irate. "I asked you which way is success," he screams at the guru. "I followed the direction you indicated. And all I got was splatted! No more of this pointing! Talk!"

Only then does the guru speak, and what he says is this: "Success IS that way. Just a little PAST splat."

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HOW DO I COPE WITH BREAK-UP

Few things hurt more than being dumped. In fact, most people would rather be body slammed by a sumo wrestler than endure the pain and loneliness of heartbreak.

Though breaking up is depressing, your life's far from over. It's important to see the end of a relationship as the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Here are a few tips on how to let go of your ex and move on with your life.
you might wantto ask this

====>HOW SHOULD I COPE WITH BREAK UP SITUATION(S)<===


1. Be Nice To Yourself
Breakups happen to the best of us. Actually, they're a normal part of being a teenager. It's important to cut yourself some slack when you're feeling vulnerable and rejected. Let yourself mourn the loss, and remember that you don't have to be perfect all of the time—or any of the time. Nobody is!


2. Accept Your Single Status
Getting over your ex is virtually impossible if you're fantasizing about getting back together. It's important to learn how to be happy as a single person before you start to date again.

Being single gives you the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Watch a cheesy movie you would never admit to liking. Switch off your cell phone at the time your ex used to call. Perform a cleansing ritual, such as throwing away her yearbook photo or deleting his mushy e-mails. You'll be amazed how much better you'll feel.


3. Recognize and Release Your Feelings
Breakups can cause a range of unpleasant feelings, from deep sadness to intense anger. It's important to identify what you're feeling, acknowledge that it hurts, then let it go.

If you're struggling with the "letting go" part, try writing what you feel on a piece of paper, then ripping it up. When you're feeling really awful, taking a nap or going for a walk can help ease the pain and break the cycle of negative thoughts.

In general, try to get your demons out in a constructive way, such as sports, music, art or journaling. It's also OK to cry, scream and complain about how bad you feel. Find a secluded place to get out the nastiest feelings, then seek out friends and family to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.


4. Remember Your Ex's Flaws
It's easy to get teary-eyed thinking about his adorable brown eyes or her cute way of answering the phone. But what about your ex's not-so-great qualities? Remind yourself just how annoying, boring or insensitive your ex could be, and you'll be on your way to recovery.


5. Resist the Urge To Contact Him or Her
One of the worst parts of a breakup is the loneliness. Use all the willpower you've got to resist calling your ex when you're feeling lonely and sad.

Though your ex may have been a source of comfort in the past, calling him or her for an ego boost will only make it harder for you move on. Look for new sources of support among friends, family members, counselors and online support groups.


7. Don't Obsess About What Went Wrong
Many breakups don't have a specific cause. They tend to happen when two people have been growing apart for a while. This isn't to say you shouldn't reflect on what you could have done differently in the relationship, but it's not helpful to dwell on the whys and wherefores.

Instead of focusing on the past, live in the moment and begin to dream about the future. You'll find a boyfriend or girlfriend who's at least as great as the last one—and perhaps a better match. Who knows? That special someone could be right around the corner.



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LIFE AND HAPPINESS

Are you truly happy? Do you even know what it means to be happy and what it takes to achieve happiness? These are important questions for anyone who is seeking happiness to ask themselves. I live my life to maintain my own happiness while trying my best to not cause unhappiness to anyone else. If you want to be happy you need to understand that you can be happy and that you should be happy. Many people make the mistake of believing that they don’t deserve happiness and accept their unhappy state as their destiny. The truth of the matter is that happiness, like anything else in life, needs to be nurtured. The following are a few tips that I follow to create happiness in my life.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW HOW TO BE HAPPY

I took time to write you this basic tips,read carefully and digest the content into you
practice them and you will be just fine



1. Understand what it is that will make you happy. Everyone has unique requirements for attaining happiness and what makes one person happy may be very different from what makes someone else happy. Revel in your individuality and do not worry about whether or not your desires are comparable to those of your peers.
2. Make a plan for attaining goals that you believe will make you happy. Your mood will very likely increase as your pursue your goal because you will feel better about yourself for going after something you value.
3. Surround yourself with happy people. It is easy to begin to think negatively when you are surrounded by people who think that way. Conversely, if you are around people who are happy their emotional state will be infectious.
4. When something goes wrong try to figure out a solution instead of wallowing in self pity. Truly happy people don’t allow set backs to affect their mood because they know that with a little thought they can turn the circumstances back to their favor.
5. Spend a few minutes each day thinking about the things that make you happy. These few minutes will give you the opportunity to focus on the positive things in your life and will lead you to continued happiness.
6. It’s also important to take some time each day to do something nice for yourself. Whether you treat yourself to lunch, take a long, relaxing bath or simply spend a few extra minutes on your appearance you will be subconsciously putting yourself in a better mood.
7. Finding the humor in situations can also lead to happiness. While there are times that require you to be serious, when it is appropriate, find a way to make light of a situation that would otherwise make you unhappy.
8. Maintaining your health is another way to achieve happiness. Being overweight or not eating nutritious foods can have a negative effect on your mood. Additionally, exercise has been known to release endorphins that give you a feeling of happiness.
9. Finally, it is important to understand that you deserve happiness. Those who believe that they are not worthy of happiness may subconsciously sabotage their efforts to achieve happiness. If necessary, tell yourself each day that you deserve to be happy and remind yourself what steps you will take to achieve the happiness you desire.


Happiness is hard to define but most people are aware of whether they are happy or not. Many people believe that happiness is a form of luck and that some people are destined to be happy while others are destined to be unhappy. I try to incorporate the tips above into my life and have had great success in achieving happiness. The tips in this article are small but meaningful steps that you can take each day to lead you to true happiness.


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STEPS TO A GOOD AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Improve Relationships

The joys and pains of relationships are never as pronounced as during Holiday periods. With Thanksgiving and Christmas fast approaching, use these seven steps as building blocks to strengthen your relationships. You'll have a more satisfying and joyous Holiday period, and so will those close to you.Although the approaching Holidays provide an immediate incentive, there are also long term benefits to be gained. Reputable studies show a strong correlation between happiness and high quality relationships. It's therefore in our best interests to nurture and build strong relationships for this Holiday season and beyond.From many articles and studies of the characteristics of strong relationships we can distill the following list of seven important steps or components; think of these as relationship building blocks.CommitmentFreedomRespectSupportEqualityHealthy conflict resolutionTrust

Committed Relationship

Fundamental to a strong relationship is commitment. Commitment to making the relationship strong and healthy is the foundation on which it can grow. Relationships take work. They take effort. Like life itself, relationships are dynamic, ever changing because we are ever changing. A strong relationship requires continuous nurturing, and that takes commitment.Commitment to the relationship means unconditionally caring about maintaining and improving the relationship, even during times of anger or disappointment. There may be times when you aren't even sure you like the other person, but if you're committed you'll spend the effort to sustain the relationship during tough times.

Freedom to Be Me

Freedom may be the toughest component of all to implement. But it may also be the most important after commitment. All humans desire freedom; more than desire, freedom is a drive we have to be ourselves. From the two-year old who proclaims, "I can do it myself!" to the twenty-two year old who forgoes the family business to go her own way, we all want freedom to do it our way.While we each crave and value our own freedom, we often have just as strong a drive to control others. Call it a carryover from parenting or a way of assuring our own freedoms, controlling another person is a sure way to weaken and damage a relationship.Granting another person the freedom to be themselves, to stretch and grow or to wither and stagnate, is the ultimate result of love--unconditional love. The freedom inherent in unconditional love may sorely test our own feelings of self confidence and self esteem, yet it's so important for us to realize that we bring people toward us when we let go of any inclination to control.

Respect Others

Respect, R-E-S-P-E-C-T as Aretha Franklin sang it, is a critical component of freedom. It's the partner of freedom in that respecting another person's competence and individuality provides the positive support so important to freedom.A contrast makes this point: suppose someone grants you the freedom to follow your dream with an underlying current of disrespect. It might sound something like, "Go ahead if you must, I'll be right here after you've chased that dream." In other words, the person thinks you'll fail and you'll come crawling back.The same scenario with respect might sound like, "Go ahead, I know how important this is to you and I support you 100%. I know you can do it!" Obviously, we'd all like to hear this latter response because of the inherent respect and support it conveys.

Support Those You Care About

Support is an important factor in any relationship. As we stretch ourselves, as we encounter rough spots and obstacles, a supportive relationship gives us strength and reassurance. Support rejuvenates and re-energizes. Aren't we all attracted to people who are supportive of us?

Treat Everyone as an Equal

Equality is the enabler that says we're both equal partners in this marriage, partnership, or friendship. A parent-child relationship is fine for teens and below, but among partners, friends, and adult children and their parents, without the underlying recognition of equality, respect is limited, support is more controlling than supportive, and commitment is probably more toward control than growth.

Learn Healthy Conflict Resolutio
Healthy conflict resolution is a component that smoothes tedges olationships. Rough edges will occur. There will be disagreements, differences of opinion, and even disappointments of behavior. A knowledge of techniques and dedication to resolve conflicts with respect, support, and equality can actually strengthen a relationship. Unstated is the recognition of "look what we've gone through together. We're strong."

Trust is a Relationship Glue

Trust is an attitude that could have been the first step mentioned. For without our inherent trust of each other, we will be unable to grant freedom, to treat each other with respect and equality, and be supportive. Some say that trust is earned. But trust must be an assumed attitude that is fundamental to commitment to the relationship. If someone distrusts you until you prove trustworthy, you cannot provide the freedom, respect, and support that nurtures and strengthens a relationship.Obviously, the seven steps of a strong relationship do not come serially, one after the other. They are all important and must be simultaneously present. It is helpful, though, to consider them as step by step tools for building a strong relationship. And commitment does come first, as the foundation for stable and strong relationships. When we commit to something, it happens.

If you found this article useful, you'll probably also like:


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