Before delving into the main Topic which is LONELINESS, it will be more proper to understand what the TEXT "Loneliness" stands for
WHAT IS LONELINESS
To feel lonely is to be overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling of separateness, at a very deep level. To some degree, it is a totally normal emotion, a part of growing up. At birth, we all start the process of separation, the growth towards becoming individuals. Also, from our earliest months, as awareness of our separateness dawns upon us, the parallel need to seek relationship begins.
It's a balancing act, a see-sawing between the search for intimacy and an acceptance of isolation that continues throughout life. However smoothly this passage from birth to mature adulthood goes, there are bound to be times in our lives when this process of growing up, of becoming separate selves, feels difficult; times when we feel anxious, abandoned, unloved, insecure. In other words, when we feel lonely.
Modern lifestyles
The particular stresses of modern life tend to make people particularly vulnerable to loneliness. Changes in employment practice, a rising divorce rate, and the fact that people can more easily move away, have caused many to suffer the ache of loneliness. A considerable number of people in all age groups now live alone.
The importance of solitude
In our busy, extroverted culture, with its emphasis on togetherness, we tend to classify aloneness and solitude as the same thing, and to think of them both in a negative way. For many people, the word lonely can conjure up an image of an isolated figure in a bed-sit. Yet being alone is not the same as being lonely.
There are plenty of loners who happily choose solitude as a way of life. Solitude has been helpful to a number of well-known writers, philosophers and composers. The author, Dr Anthony Storr argues strongly that relationships aren't everything in life. He believes that the concerns, hobbies and creative interests developed over a lifetime, by ordinary people, can be an important source of stability and contentment. Some people need to be alone to allow their creativity to emerge.
Feeling unwelcome
Negative attitudes towards single mothers, and to those who are long-term unemployed or who have mental health problems, can increase a person's sense of isolation. He or she may come to feel that the loneliness, which has been caused by their circumstances, is somehow all their own fault.
The old cliché that it is possible to feel lonely in a crowd is also painfully true. Someone who is constantly surrounded by people may still feel desperately lonely. Many people seeking help for overwhelming feelings of loneliness have an active social life, a busy job, a stable relationship or marriage, and a family.
Understanding loneliness wont be so much of a big deal till you get to find the major possible causes of loneliness hence finding means to avoid it..
Loneliness is not one single, simple thing. There are both different degrees and causes. It's possible to talk about three different kinds of loneliness: circumstantial, developmental and internal.
You may have chosen to change your circumstances. Moving to a new area or starting a family, for example, can be exciting and positive. Yet, people often find that to begin all over again in a new environment can be very painful. Divorce, bereavement, retirement and unemployment are common causes of loneliness. If the partner or the job that boosted your self-esteem and made life meaningful suddenly disappears, everything can feel hopeless and futile.
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BELOW ARE THE MAJOR CAUSES OF LONLINESS
Single parents
The house-bound mother with her first baby can feel acutely isolated, but single parents are particularly vulnerable. Many people say that when a relationship ends, they seem to lose friends as well as their partner, while the stress of bringing up children single-handedly can make it difficult for a social life.
Mental distress
To be labelled as mentally ill can be distressing and potentially very isolating, not least because public opinion can be so hostile towards anyone with mental health difficulties. Someone with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, for example, will have to cope with very distressing symptoms, but will also be up against a widespread misconception that people with this diagnosis are violent.
The very nature of some mental health problems reinforces this isolation. Someone with agoraphobia may be stuck at home and cut off from the normal social outlets. Feelings of panic at the thought of being sociable and meeting new people are much more common than people think.
Physical disability
People with a physical disability are similarly disadvantaged and stigmatised. Mobility is often a problem and many disabled people find themselves excluded from access to a large number of social activities. People who are HIV positive or who have AIDS are also likely to encounter prejudice.
Discrimination
Being treated as 'different' by others often makes people feel even lonelier. Being discriminated against, or subjected to racist attacks, causes black and minority ethnic people to feel alienated and isolated.
A person's sexual identity can also cause loneliness. 'Coming out' as lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB) is still very stressful, as is reflected in the suicide rate among LGB people. Some adult survivors of sexual abuse may find any kind of intimacy with others impossible. (See 'Useful organisations'.)
WHY DO SOME PEOPLE FEEL THIS WAY ALL THE TIME?
From birth onwards, we are constantly learning to balance our need for intimacy with our need for separateness. We reach certain stages in life which often accentuate these needs and make us feel vulnerable to feelings of insecurity and loneliness.
Adolescence, young adulthood, the 'thirty-something' stage, mid-life crisis, menopause and old age are often connected to outer as well as inner changes. It's important to remember that these are phases that will pass, and although change can feel painful, it can also bring with it new awareness and possibilities.
For some people, feelings of loneliness are more constant and appear unrelated to external events or time of life. It is impossible to generalise about why someone might feel constantly lonely. Sometimes, a person feels unable to like themselves or to be liked by others. They may have little self-esteem and lack self-confidence. The roots of profound loneliness may come from having been unloved as a child, so that, as an adult, they continue to feel abandoned and unlovable in all relationships, including the relationship with themselves. Sometimes, people cut themselves off, consciously or unconsciously, because they are afraid of being hurt.
Those who are vulnerable to a constant inner loneliness may try to avoid being on their own, and will seek out other people to avoid having to face their own company. Others may react in the opposite way, hiding away on their own and perhaps drowning empty feelings with drink, so that they don't have to face a world of people they feel unconnected to. If you feel that this describes your situation, it's important to remember that many others feel the same way, and that there are understanding people to talk to, who can help you overcome these feelings
HOW CAN I OVERCOME IT?
It's possible to overcome loneliness, if you are really determined to do so. To help yourself, you will need to give a lot of time and energy to thinking about the reasons for your feelings and what positive steps you can take.
Learning to be alone
If you are someone who panics when left alone, and constantly seeks others out in order to avoid inner loneliness, it might be worth spending some time learning how to feel relaxed in your own company. Spending time alone may involve facing the difficult feelings that relentless socializing keeps at bay. It may also enable you to focus on the kind of person you really are, and what you really want to do.
Techniques like yoga, meditation, and even just keeping a journal, can help you to relax and replace frantic activity with a calmer sense of yourself.It's worth spending time concentrating on something that really interests you, which you can enjoy. Focus on the pleasure it gives you and the fact that periods of time spent alone can be rewarding.
Once you can face yourself, your relationships with other people will improve. You will be able to reach out to others with less of a hungry need and more of an ability to give. You will find you have more interest in them and the world around you, which they will respond to.
Learning to be with others
If you spend a lot of time alone, because you feel uncomfortable in a social situation, the following suggestions may be useful. If your difficulties in relating to other people are to do with setting boundaries in relationships, saying 'no' and expressing your feelings, you may find assertiveness training helpful. Social skills training may also be appropriate. To find out about local classes, ask at your library or look on the internet. Most adult education institutions offer them, as do some universities and colleges of education.
If you are really out of practice at meeting people, it's important to take small steps, first, and not get too quickly and intensely involved with one person. Make the most of every opportunity for social contact, however slight. Talk to shopkeepers, don't ignore a fellow passenger who tries to start a conversation with you. Ask questions. Be curious.
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I have come to realize that most people are not really happy in their
relationships. There is an all important step towards happiness in your
relationship and that step is what I call; self appreciation. The world
we are living currently is filled with stressful activities and
uncertainty of the economy! Remember that there is a strong link between
financial security, healthy economy, stress, job challenge and
relationship approach.
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